After leaving forever and deleting himself from my Skype contacts, my Japanese boyfriend was absent for about two months. I learned to live without him which was quite successful. No pain, only a little sadness. I even began to regain my former, younger self that I had before we met 5 years ago. My brother returned from jail. I was just going to think what to do next… And then he appeared again.
Why doing it every time? Why can’t he really say goodbye forever? Leaving and then coming back like it’s nothing… Asking to forgive him and all that… No wonder that my heart got hardened after all these times. Which is lucky for me – how could I bear it otherwise? How would I feel if still loved as before? Now I am calm. I can be friendly. I can talk about everyday things, and listen, and sympathise, but don’t believe words of love anymore. And don’t believe his promises as well.
Promises… Being excited about our reconciliation, he did incredible thing: he invited us (me and my daughter) to come to Japan and stay in his house as guests. He was going to help us get the longest possible, 3-months guest visa. He said, like “Please come and live, and if you enjoy it here, then… this is your home”. No matter what, I wanted to go. I let myself to dream. A beautiful Japanese autumn… I talked with my daughter, and she liked the plan. We began some preparations. And of course it was not going to happen.
He didn’t take into account his children. They entered a difficult teenage period. It did not happen now, all of a sudden – he’s been complaining of the problems for about half a year already. He just didn’t think about it first, and then understood that the whole thing was impossible. Two days of silence – he seemed to be afraid to tell me, but I guessed. I knew it. It was so predictable. Today he answered, just as I expected: “You can’t come now. I wish their difficult age finished soon…”
Again, I am not upset. My heart got a good training. I am calm, and I feel freedom. I can rely on myself only, and I am free to make my own plans. Maybe I still have a chance to see beautiful Japanese autumn…
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