…Come and go, you come and go

After leaving forever and deleting himself from my Skype contacts, my Japanese boyfriend was absent for about two months. I learned to live without him which was quite successful. No pain, only a little sadness. I even began to regain my former, younger self that I had before we met 5 years ago. My brother returned from jail. I was just going to think what to do next… And then he appeared again.

Why doing it every time? Why can’t he really say goodbye forever? Leaving and then coming back like it’s nothing… Asking to forgive him and all that… No wonder that my heart got hardened after all these times. Which is lucky for me – how could I bear it otherwise? How would I feel if still loved as before? Now I am calm. I can be friendly. I can talk about everyday things, and listen, and sympathise, but don’t believe words of love anymore. And don’t believe his promises as well.

Promises… Being excited about our reconciliation, he did incredible thing: he invited us (me and my daughter) to come to Japan and stay in his house as guests. He was going to help us get the longest possible, 3-months guest visa. He said, like “Please come and live, and if you enjoy it here, then… this is your home”. No matter what, I wanted to go. I let myself to dream. A beautiful Japanese autumn… I talked with my daughter, and she liked the plan. We began some preparations. And of course it was not going to happen.

He didn’t take into account his children. They entered a difficult teenage period. It did not happen now, all of a sudden – he’s been complaining of the problems for about half a year already. He just didn’t think about it first, and then understood that the whole thing was impossible. Two days of silence – he seemed to be afraid to tell me, but I guessed. I knew it. It was so predictable. Today he answered, just as I expected: “You can’t come now. I wish their difficult age finished soon…”

Again, I am not upset. My heart got a good training. I am calm, and I feel freedom. I can rely on myself only, and I am free to make my own plans. Maybe I still have a chance to see beautiful Japanese autumn…

Friendship and treachery

Hello! I am longing to tell about it to somebody because it’s so frustrating. Always sad when a long-term relationships come to an end…

Actually, we were friends since high school: I was 16, she was 15. I don’t know if there is something of the kind in other countries, but here in Russia friendship is very important thing. We keep long-term friendship by whole families: our parents were friends, then ourselves, and then our children became friends too…

We had much in common. First we used to be two romantic girls, dreaming of love and wonderful future. We were drawing pictures and writing stories. We supported each other in time of broken heart (luckily, our taste for guys was different so we never became rivals). Then we both got married, our children were born in the same year (both girls). So family-type friendship continued with our daughters. We met together almost every weekend. We celebrated holidays together, gave each other presents and shared all the troubles. Long phone  talks when we were too busy to meet… Common interests like Harry Potter books and House M.D. show… As the girls grew older, her daughter often stayed at my home for several days, spending time with my daughter. And then it all ended.

Maybe the main reason is my daughter’s condition. She developed kind of panic fear for school and depression, so quitted the school because of it. Formally she is on so-called “home study” system, but in fact hardly studies at all. Well, it’s a different story which I will sure tell later. She is 15 now, this condition lasting from about 13.  My friend sympathized me from the very beginning, giving advice and all that. But little by little… I don’t know how to put it, in fact she never told me anything bad openly. First they stopped to let their daughter to stay at my home. Then their visits became less frequent and at last completely stopped. Now there are only rare talks by Skype or chat messages, which are feeling cold. I would be very puzzled in fact in their girl hadn’t told me the truth.

The thing is, this girl is a very sincere sweet creature. She loves my daughter and loves me, I’m like an auntie with whom she can share her thoughts and moods. She is terribly missing our past friendship and the time spent together. But now she can’t meet us. Only chat or phone talks, but not meeting in reality. The family speaks very evil about us, which is unbearable to listen for the girl. Why? I really can’t understand. Why we became so bad in their eyes all of a sudden? And even if so, why my former friend can’t tell it to me personally? I feel that we will never return the warm relationships of the past. It’s sad, but it’s true. Only our girls may still have a chance.

Sorry, this one was a little long. Sorry, sorry, but I needed to share it…