Holidays are over. Can I rest now?

Winter vacation is over. My duty is over too. Our guest flew back to Moscow tonight. At last I can take a breath!

My nephew’s friend stayed with us for about 2 weeks which is in fact normal in Russia, taking into account our great distances and traditional hospitality. If guests come, they stay long, and of course at home. I had no objections about this friend’s coming. What I imagined was like, the boys spend time together happily, I see them not so much, only providing meals etc. But the things came out differently.

In these two weeks my nephew actually spent very little time with his friend. Of course he was happy in the beginning… for a day or two. After that… he closed in his room and played online games with some other friend. We heard him shouting by Skype all the time. Why invite the guest then? We were all angry but could do nothing about this.

So it was mostly me who gave attention to the boy (sometimes my daughter as well). I didn’t mind, he is a good boy, but I got so tired of too much talking and listening! Then, my daughter had moments of nervous breakdown of too many people present at home… I whould listen and comfort her as well. Then, my Japanese boyfriend came to talk by Skype as usual. Managers mailed me about work. My brother called from jail (he does it every evening). Sometimes I felt I would burst into tears if have to listen anyone else’s talk. Oh well…

After one weel I began to realize that I lack my room at my own disposal. The kids went to bed late and got up late as well. Since the guest slept in my room, I had to be very quiet until afternoon or so. And then he was always here… Now it is mine again, yes yes yes!

Today I said good-bye to the boy. We parted as good friends. I got to know him very well. He installed some useful software in my laptop. He loved our new fluffy kitten and cooed over him all the time. He saw Harry Potter movies for the first time in his life! He was curious about our city and how it’s different from Moscow. He learned new foods from us and took a loaf of local bread with him. I added him on Facebook and Skype. The children went to the airport in the evening to see him off. Now he must already have landed in Moscow.

And guess what my nephew said when they returned from the airport? “Daniel is gone! Why is he gone so early? I wish he were here…” Never understand this kid!

My present condition: Depressed

Sorry to say so, but I am depressed. Never went to a doctor, but I can feel it and… well, online tests show it too. No wonder though. I have more than enough reasons to be depressed. Here they are:
– My child has social anxiety disorder and related depression. (And she also suspects being a transgender.) Living side by side with her, listening to her talks and all, I couldn’t avoid to get it as well.
– Because of the above, she cannot attend school. But unschooling is illegal in Russia. So we are kind of undercover. We have to lie to our friends and acquaintances which is hard. It makes me feel guilty. I don’t know what will become of her in future and how to help her.
– I live in Russia which is depressing in itself. And recently it gets more and more awful. Every next news is a bad one. I feel unsecure, angry, helpless, desperate… To leave this country is my greatest desire. But my efforts still haven’t brought any result.
– I am separated from my Japanese fiance and don’t know if/when we can marry.
– Summer is over, and we are facing another long and dark winter. Really hate it!
– And the last but not least: my brother is in jail. We the family heard about it in the end of August. He commited a crime and is waiting for a trial. The consequences are: his son came to live with us, so now I am a mother of two teenagers. And then, it turned out that supporting a jail prisoner costs a huge lot of money for the family! Mostly it’s my brother’s girlfriend who bears the expenses but I try to help her as far as possible. It’s really awful, and nobody knows how long this condition will last and how it will end.

The good sides are: I am still young, in good health (as far as I know) and earn enough money, thanks to the American translation company. I have my friends and pen-friends who are always so supportive. And I still hope that things can change for better. But it’s so hard to keep positive…

Some time ago me and my friends had a short trip by a river ship. It was one of the last warm days of early autumn. We saw a beautiful sunset. Clear sky and the slow calm river… I wish my life was like that: clear and beautiful. I want to fill it with happiness. For now, I can only share with everyone this amazing beauty of the river. Please wish me luck.

Japan: Story of My Love – Part 3. My Friends

It’s summer now, and this hot summer weather revives my memories even brighter. So, I was there! One afternoon to explore the town, and on the next day I was to meet my first Japanese friend in real life. It was a woman of about the same age as myself, named Rie. She was also kind of my colleague, a translator, so her English was perfect.

Of course I worried before this meeting. First of all, how I will greet her? Russian girls hug and kiss easily, showing their friendship, but what about Japanese? I knew nothing about proper manners. Furthermore, I didn’t know how to eat with chopsticks! Oh well, I had a chance to train this skill a little during the breakfast in the hotel. I was just watching the other people and tried to copy their ways – yes, difficult, but I managed it somehow. Then I got on a train and went to the station where we had arranged to meet.

Rie was waiting for me there on the platform. Her attitude was very simple and friendly. She came up to me and hugged slightly with one arm, and I was relieved. From the first moment we were communicating absolutely freely, talking about everything without slightest embarrassment. We spent two consecutive days exploring Tokyo. She showed me around usual touristic destinations like Imperial Palace Garden, a big shrine (shame, but at that time I couldn’t remember the names of places) and Tokyo Tower, as well as the places which were special only for her. She was wearing comfortable clothes and was a restless walker, which I liked too.

 

In the evening of our first day she said: “Now we are going to a restaurant. My boss is coming too. He heard that you are from Russia and became interested.” Oh no! I was not ready to meet a boss! I felt panic again. Official manners and so on…  no, no! But this came out not scary as well. The boss of the small translation company was on very friendly terms with his employee, they were exchanging jokes all the way. Of course he also spoke good English. He paid for the dinner – I suppose it was an expensive one (including delicious eel!) He greeted me by shaking hands and really asked a lot of questions about Russia. Little by little I became more confident from hearty encouragement by two of them. I showed photographs of Russia which I specially brought there. I tried to pronounce the few Japanese words I knew by the moment – and was praised and encouraged again. Then they both showed me how to make paper cranes (“Origami”). It was really a nice evening, without any strain.

The next person I met was a guy named Keiichi. He also arranged to meet on Tokyo Station, and there I was lost. Those who know Tokyo Station can imagine that. It’s a huge place with so many entrances, passages and so on.  I was running back and forth in confusion, together with crowds of people. Keiichi called and sent me messages on the mobile, but it little helped. At last I found the place where to wait. As he told me in the message, “I am wearing white shirt, black trousers, glasses and carrying a black case.” But it was the time when working day ended. Crowds of office workers poured out of the station, all wearing white shirts, black trousers and carrying black cases! Luckily, I stood out too distinctly as a foreigner, so he was the first to notice me. I had seen a picture of Keiichi before, but it was not very good, he was much better in reality. A charming guy, but too busy. We had only short time to meet. He took me for a drive around evening Tokyo and to Haneda Airport, to look at the airplanes. We talked about our families and countries and parted as very good friends.

Whom else did I meet? My best and dearest friend Chie, who worked as a tourist guide in Kamakura. She knew the place perfectly and introduced it to me. In course of the sight-seeing we entered little shops and cafes now and then, for rest and shopping. We also went to eat Okonomiyaki, in a fry-it-yourself restaurant where frying pan is built into a table. It was fun – and delicious too! In the evening we went to Karaoke, which turned out shame for me again. Actually I got prepared for it, having learned some songs. But… I had the lyrics in Romaji, and was caught by surprise when saw the text on the screen in real Japanese – Hiragana and Kanji! (I wonder what else should I have expected?) Of course I immediately forgot everything I had learned. But Chie helped me kindly, and it was all right in the end. After singing I danced for her. I am not very good, but wanted to show it anyway. It was a great memory for us. 

And the last was my Indian friend, a guy named Prasad. He lived in Yokohama that time, working as an engineer in some high-tech area. (Now he returned to India.) In the very beginning, when we just became pen-friends, he stated out the condition: “NO ROMANCE! I am looking for friends only.” I readily agreed with this, because I actually wanted the same. He was really a good friend, and then, he could share the experience of a foreigner in Japan. Right from my arrival he was giving me a lot of advice by e-mail: “It’s so hot. Do drink much water!”, “Please take a fan when you go out!” and the like. We met on the last day on my stay there, and he introduced me Yokohama. It’s still one of my beloved places in Japan – Sakuragicho, Minatomirai, Yamashita Park… We walked and talked a lot. He laughed at my English pronunciation, but felt respect for my efforts in studying Japanese (Prasad himself could speak Japanese a little, but couldn’t read or write). We sat relaxedly on the stone steps near the calm water of Yokohama Bay. We ate Indian Curry. We exchanged presents (I don’t remember what I gave him). And then the day ended, and that was the end of my trip. 

My dear friends, I am so grateful to you all. I still keep correspondence with some of you, but some people have already disappeared from my view. I know it happens, being quite a normal thing with pen-friends when relationships come to the end for some reason. I remember you all, and these memories are only good and tender. Sometimes I wonder: where you are? How is your life going on? Please, please, be all in good health, safe and happy!   

At the pond

My daughter and her friend about 2 years ago