Ringtones

Because of my social anxiety, phone calls make me nervous. That’s why I like to have specific ringtones for each of my important people and groups, so that I can know at once who is calling. In addition, it’s fun – I like to play with melodies and decide which one to assign to this or that person. And I don’t care that my taste can be outdated or even ridiculous.

For example, my default ringtone is currently “Appelle mon numéro” by Mylene Farmer – because it means “Call my number”, and because I like her songs. For my family… somehow it happened that all their ringtones are Japanese songs. There is one of Naruto ending songs for my nephew – because he is a fan of Naruto. For my child there is also an ending from Anime that she used to like… now she has outgrown it, but the song is so beautiful and sad, and reminds me of her fragility.

The melody for my brother is a funny song “Dango San Kyodai” which means “Three Dumpling Brothers” – see, it’s about brothers! That’s why I chose it. And for his girlfriend it’s Boy George’s “Karma Chameleon”, because she believes in Karma, Ayurvega and all such things – and also the song is positive.

And for my work contacts I used to have the famous SailorMoon opening. Because it’s a heroical song, you know, and one definitely needs some heroic mood when gets a call from work. But now my managers don’t call me by phone, using e-mail or Skype instead. So I gave the SailorMoon ringtone to contacts from animal protection society whom I help, taking cats to keep at my home. They deserve it — no doubt, animal protection is a heroic thing!

Marceline

The two cat brothers got a little sister! She’s a black girl kitty with big round eyes, her expression absolutely unreadable. We at once decided that she needs a vampire name, so she became Marceline, or Marcie, after the character from Adventure Time cartoon.

Marceline is disabled: Her hind legs are bend in wrong way. It’s a birth defect; her supervisor says it can be improved by surgery, it will be performed only after she grows up. She still can walk, and run, and even climb up on the bed, helping herself with the claws of the front legs. Of course she does not understand that she is different in some way. We, after the first shock, also got used to her strange looks. After all, she is otherwise a pretty little kitten, with a small white spot on her chest and funny fluffy ears.

Interesting, that the “brothers” did feel something different about her — maybe it’s because her movements are so unusual when she walks. Robin, who is the braver one, was just curious and became friendly soon, approaching her and inviting to play. But Flint was really frightened. He was hiding from the newcomer for two days, watching her very cautiously from the hiding place. When he took courage to come closer, he was growling all the time. But in the end all three became a family. Now they often sleep all together and wash each other’s faces.

Marceline though is more attached to people than other cats. She trusted me at once, following me everywhere and asking to take her on my lap. She’s a sweet little thing.

Here is Marcie with Flint:

…and here is Marcie with Robin:

Kittens’ names and other things

The name for the younger kitten was decided at once: Robin. Because they make a team of a big one and a small one, like Batman and Robin (of course it was a thought of my child who loves comic books). But we could not call the elder one Batman — it’s a name for a black cat only! So first I tried to call the big boy Vincent or Vince, for his beauty. But it did not suit him somehow. After more thinking we decided that, being one-eyed, he needs a pirate name. And obviously he became Flint (or Captain Flint) — the first association that occurred to me. So now we have a pirate and a robber at home (because Robin also reminds of Robin Hood). It’s very true! These kids can be terrible, especially when it comes to food.

After they lived with us for about two weeks, little Robin became ill. He was hiding in a cat carrier bag all day and sleeping. I had to wake him up for meals, he ate a little and returned to the bag. I was worried and told my child about it. “But aren’t kittens supposed to sleep a lot?”, she said. Well, yes, but not all day long and never going out to play! I tried to contact the kittens’ supervisor, but she didn’t answer, so I decided to take him to a vet next morning.

At night I took Robin to my bed, to watch him better. He crawled under the blanket for warmth. His breath seemed faster than usual, and his heartbeat too. In the morning we went to a nearest clinic that is within walking distance. All the doctors are young girls, very nice and professional, I like them. They measured his temperature, and it was very high. They said it was a virus and have him several injections.  I asked: What to do with another kitten — should I isolate him? “No, he is most likely already infected if was not vaccinated before. So it’s no good to isolate him, just watch him closely”. And what about the adult cat? “Don’t worry, adults are usually immune to it”. They told me come next day — five days in total, if everything goes right.

After the injections Robin became more active. He ate well and did not even hide at once, walking around a little. Flint was happy. He missed his younger “brother” and began playing with him. But since his games were mostly fighting, Robin got tired soon and went to sleep. Meanwhile, their supervisor called me back. I described her the whole thing and asked if Flint had been vaccinated. She said yes, which eased my worry a little.

Robin’s treatment went well. In three days his temperature became normal, and by the fifth day he was almost the same cheerful boy. There were only small ulcers that appeared in his mouth, making eating uncomfortable. The vets taught me how to treat his mouth with medicine — that was easy.  And soon we could enjoy the sight of the two cat boys running and fighting, as usual.

 

Suzie and kittens

From the first site it seems that our elder cat hates the little ones, especially when they are new at home. She shouts and growls at them, and hits them with her paw each time they approach. Very soon she disciplines them so strictly that they don’t even try to play with her, let alone bite her tail.

But in fact she does not hate them. Though Suzie never had her own kittens, but she has a lot of experience of accepting newcomers, both small and adult ones. She could be jealous at first, seeing our attention to others, but overcomes it with the time. Most of all, she wants the others respect her personal space. And when kittens behave well and respectful, she, in return, can be loving and caring. She lets them sleep near her and washes their faces and ears like a real good mother. (Or maybe it’s just a pleasure for cats to lick someone’s fur? Who knows…)

Cat kids

We’ve got used to have many cats at home. But when we were preparing to emigrate, we gave away most of them, except the eldest, Suzie. All this time she was living with a nice girl who does it for money. She gave Suzie love and care, took her to the vet when necessary and sent me her photos. We were thinking to take Suzie to our new place maybe… when we get our own life settled… but it happened so that we returned and took her back. I was wondering if the cat still remembered us, but she recognized us immediately! She clearly was glad to be back in her old home and with us.

After some time passed we decided to take some temporary cats from a local animal protection society. It’s like a shelter, only there is no special premises for it — all animals live at volunteers’ homes. Meanwhile supervisors put their pictures on a web site and try to find owners for them. It can be long… so it feels almost like our own pets but in fact they are not. It’s the best way for us now because we cannot really take new pets, planning to emigrate sooner or later.

So I contacted the society and told them I wanted to offer my help. And the supervisor brought us two kittens — two little grey boys. They are not relatives to each other, but I call them brothers. The elder brother has only one eye… he’s still very pretty, and honestly, I stopped noticing it soon. When not sleeping, they run and fight all the time!

Now our home feels right. I love to watch the cat kids and take care of them. I help little creatures, and they help me.

Giving away

Yesterday my childhood friend came and took away my hibiscus. It feels empty now without it. It was so nice and bright and lively, even though my cats used to bite off its leaves. I am sure it will be all right in the new home – my friend Olga is a pro with plants.

Why? Well, I’m giving away things these days. We are still considering emigration, and this time, after several failures, our plan seems to progress. So among other preparations we have to get rid of loads of stuff. I can’t just throw them away, I always think that someone may need it. But it’s kind of a problem in Russia because there are no easy ways to donate things etc. We can’t even bring clothes to second-hand shop – such shops exist, but they import things from abroad instead of receiving them from local people.

Luckily, I discovered a wonderful community in our city that organizes events called Garage Sale. It’s not the same as the US-type garage sale, though I’d love to have one. But I don’t have a garage or a house with a lawn, to let people come and look at my things and buy whatever they want. Actually very few Russian people live in houses, we mostly have apartments. No, this event is rather like a fair. The organizer (a charming red-haired girl) rents some space, e.g. in a mall, a club or community center, or even outdoors when it’s warm. People come and bring their stuff, and others come and buy it. It takes places monthly or so. And between actual sales you can place ads on their web page too. We already sold some books (and my child’s comic books and manga), beads and other accessories, fabrics and other sewing materials, my child’s dolls… Next weekend there will be clothes and shoes. I like the process! I like it when people find what they wanted,  it makes me happy. More and more things to give away, I never imagined there are so many things in one apartment!

The sad side of it: we must also give away our cats. We are moving too far, and we’ll live in a rented apartment where pets will hardly be allowed… I don’t worry too much about the younger ones, they’ll get used to new owners easily. We already managed to find new home for Ginger. He went to a nice young woman who already had one cat – also ginger! – and wanted to get a buddy for him. She told they got together well. He is so pretty and funny and affectionate, I hope they love him. 

As for my two elder cats, I want to give them to someone from our family or friends, someone who is familiar to them, not a stranger. It’s painful anyway… We’ll miss them. But most important thing is that they feel good. I want to do everything right, though it’s so hard.

 

 

Angels

My daughter thinks that if angels existed, they would look not like humans but like animals: Cats or dogs. For instance, cocker spaniel – they have a look of absolute forgiveness on their faces…

Two losses

I had one of the hardest weeks recently. One of my cats was ill, and I was doing desperate efforts to help him. Every evening after work I took him to a vet clinic for procedures. Sometimes we had to wait our turn because all the doctors were busy. Then he was lying there receiving medications into his blood… I returned home late but couldn’t go to sleep at once, too anxious with hope or worry, depending on how he felt. In the middle of night, me and my daughter would eat something or have tea, and talk, and watch something on her PC.

On one of those nights I returned to my room from my daughter’s room and saw a message in Skype. My Japanese boyfriend left me again. He did it regularly during our relationships, especially before or after I went traveling. Then he would return, andwe made up for a while… At first it hurt terribly, but with the time I got used to it. I could predict it and wasn’t even surprized. This time I wasn’t even upset. All my emotions were given to the poor ill cat.

But… nothing helped. He died in spite of the treatment. Maybe there were multiple reasons that doctors couldn’t find out. This loss was so painful. For several first days I couldn’t speak about him without tears. I cried at night and blamed myself for not being able to save him. This cat was the most loved one, having both beauty and personality. Only 1 year old, just recently a kitten. So soft and fluffy and graceful in his movements, so gentle and playful. I see him everywhere: how he rushed to the kitchen with the other cats for food, how he held his pretty bushy tail up, how his eyes shone from the dark room. We miss his presence next to us.

As for my lost romance… the thing is, it lacked true presence. It took 5 years of my life, but it was mostly virtual. A face on the monitor, a voice from the speaker, chat and e-mails. There was only a promise of some vague happiness in future in which I believed less and less each time. This time I don’t want him back. I feel a relief. I almost feel brought back to the point 5 years ago, before we met. I wish it were really possible – to return my past, my time, my younger self.

But it’s impossible, the same as to return my kitty. We may take another one someday, also fluffy and looking like him but it will not be him. Oh well… Nothing doing except move forward and give love to those who are still here.

Spring misc.

Blogging is hard when there are too many thoughts in one’s head. Too many. I want to talk about many things and get lost among them, and freeze halfway.

What are the things I’d like to tell about? Well,maybe the most remarkable one is that my nephew moved out for some time, and we enjoy peace and silence. For some reason he relocated to his own former apartment where he used to live with his father. Now it’s given for rent most of time, but he caught a moment when it was free from tenants. He found a friend who agreed to live together. My nephew can’t live alone, so wanted someone for a company. He did kind of a bet or a challenge for himself: to stand the whole month there without adults. The other boy seems to be very patient – actually the whole thing largely depended on him. They really almost reached the whole month, though turning the place into awful mess.

The month ends on this weekend. Then my nephew will return here. The break was really useful for me and my daughter – I almost regained my consciousness. I remembered, even a little, that I exist and have my own needs. Very little, very slowly, my self is awakening from long sleep.

The cats feel good too. I haven’t mentioned yet that we have 4 cats in total now: 2 adult cats and 2 young kittens. It’s a separate story, though I’d like to tell about them someday. It’s fun! So interesting to watch their different personalities and relationships with us and each other. My nephew loves them, but his manner of love keeps the cats nervous. Now that he is away they can express themselves freely.

What else should I tell about? Long, long spring… Bright sunlight at daytime and freezing cold at night. Icy roads that drive me mad. Well, now not so icy but wet. Water and mud and slush of melting snow, absolutely impossible to walk freely. I wear rubber boots moving around my living area, or just avoid to walk. Russian roads!

And there is a hope ahead. The significant date, 70-th anniversary of World War II ending is in May. Russia places great importance to Victory Day, and people expect a large-scale amnesty. If it comes true, my brother may be released in May instead of August. Seems not such a big difference but it is big for him and for me, well, for all of us. Some more effort. Some more waiting.

Holidays are over. Can I rest now?

Winter vacation is over. My duty is over too. Our guest flew back to Moscow tonight. At last I can take a breath!

My nephew’s friend stayed with us for about 2 weeks which is in fact normal in Russia, taking into account our great distances and traditional hospitality. If guests come, they stay long, and of course at home. I had no objections about this friend’s coming. What I imagined was like, the boys spend time together happily, I see them not so much, only providing meals etc. But the things came out differently.

In these two weeks my nephew actually spent very little time with his friend. Of course he was happy in the beginning… for a day or two. After that… he closed in his room and played online games with some other friend. We heard him shouting by Skype all the time. Why invite the guest then? We were all angry but could do nothing about this.

So it was mostly me who gave attention to the boy (sometimes my daughter as well). I didn’t mind, he is a good boy, but I got so tired of too much talking and listening! Then, my daughter had moments of nervous breakdown of too many people present at home… I whould listen and comfort her as well. Then, my Japanese boyfriend came to talk by Skype as usual. Managers mailed me about work. My brother called from jail (he does it every evening). Sometimes I felt I would burst into tears if have to listen anyone else’s talk. Oh well…

After one weel I began to realize that I lack my room at my own disposal. The kids went to bed late and got up late as well. Since the guest slept in my room, I had to be very quiet until afternoon or so. And then he was always here… Now it is mine again, yes yes yes!

Today I said good-bye to the boy. We parted as good friends. I got to know him very well. He installed some useful software in my laptop. He loved our new fluffy kitten and cooed over him all the time. He saw Harry Potter movies for the first time in his life! He was curious about our city and how it’s different from Moscow. He learned new foods from us and took a loaf of local bread with him. I added him on Facebook and Skype. The children went to the airport in the evening to see him off. Now he must already have landed in Moscow.

And guess what my nephew said when they returned from the airport? “Daniel is gone! Why is he gone so early? I wish he were here…” Never understand this kid!